


.citsym

by 0saturnboy0



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: M/M, Oneshot, changki, its just haunting, poem fic, some dubcon elements? implied?, sylvia plaths mystic is the poem, very very very kinda creepy, yes i put mcd but its not like. sad. its just weird, youll see at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-10-01 18:54:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20371999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0saturnboy0/pseuds/0saturnboy0
Summary: is there no great love, only tenderness?or: changkyun wants to keep kihyun forever.





	.citsym

**Author's Note:**

> READ the tags. please read the tags. thank you. continue

_ the air is a mill of hooks.  _ __   
_ question without answer.  _ __   
_ glittering and drunk as flies.  _ __   
  
he ran across a field full of wilting, frost bitten daises. feet trampled into their curled-in petals. behind him came a figure he knew very well. they always played this game of tag, even when they could barely even slur out one another's name. he enjoyed the adrenaline of running, never thinking about the fact that he just might get that adrenaline from danger.    
  
_ whose kiss stings unbearably _ __   
_ in the fetid wombs of black air under pines in the summer.  _ __   
  
the light shone off the red curtains, covering them in a red-violet. it illuminated off their bare chests as they pushed and pulled. it was a burning, billowing tide. around them, the whole world was on fucking fire. but they had convinced themselves that the only smoke they had seen was from the friction of their lips. maybe that’s all it ever was.    
  
_ i remember  _ __   
_ the dead smell of sun on wood cabins.  _ __   
  
"i want to grow old with you," kihyun states, his chipped fingernails digging into the rotting wood on the steps of his old house. he watched the other swallow, brown eyes shrinking and looking away. changkyun acknowledged it, but had decided not to speak. maybe it was better if he didn't. he knew this wouldn't last, anyhow, even if kihyun didn't.    
  
_ the stiffness of sails, the long salt winding sheets.  _   
  
"no," kihyun whispers out, nights after such a statement, the other kissing upon him with dripping, hungry lips. " _ no _ ." but changkyun continues. his body stiffens at every kiss, every graze of a thigh against his inner one. he wants it, of course he does. but his mind forgets to tell his body that. and he remains stiff. this is the last night that he'd ever feel a gentle hand.    
  
_ once one has seen god, what is the remedy?  _ __   
  
it all happened so fast. it was amazing to changkyun how fast a life could be lost.    
  
_ once one has been seized up.  _   
  
no one ever told their date that they were insane. that was for second and third and fourth dates. if it even registered past the second, anyhow.    
  
_ the pill of the communion tablet,  _ __   
_ the walking beside still water?  _ __   
_ memory?  _ __   
  
changkyun decides that he wants to throw all of what's left in the river. where they had first met. eyes sunken into his face, remembering the time he watched a boy so tender focus on a butterfly that was caught on his finger with the sounds of the current behind them. it was as if he were holding onto those impish desires, watching the wings expand and flutter, going back into itself. he never forgets those days. he’s holding onto those memories within a body bag.    
  
_ or picking up the bright pieces  _ __   
_ of christ in the faces of rodents.  _ __   
  
he wouldn't share him with anyone, or anyone. not his mother, who grieved over her son who merely disappeared after a "night with his best friend."  _ was lover not a good enough term?  _ changkyun wondered. and not the river, who would swallow up and bloat such a beautiful, frail face. he was like a porcelain doll.    
  
_ the tame flower-nibblers, the ones  _ __   
_ whose hopes are so low they are comfortable.  _ __   
__   
he does not worry when kihyun never wakes up. he isn't supposed to. he doesn't forget the time that kihyun said he wouldn't mind dying if he still had changkyun in the afterlife. he never hoped for anything else. how foolish.    
  
_ the humpback in her small, washed cottage _ __   
_ under the spokes of the clematis.  _ __   
__   
changkyun never leaves. not without kihyun. he shells himself inside the house within the woodlands, just like he always had. that cabin that always held kihyun not far off. he wishes he could mute the cries of kihyun’s mother - they send earthquakes, and shake kihyun’s defenseless body.    
  
_ is there no great love, only tenderness?  _ __   
  
changkyun rubs over kihyun’s cold skin, down past those defunct eyes. he gently touches his face, too, whispering sickeningly sweet melodies to kihyun. he coddles a corpse. he never questions himself. this was the only way changkyun knew how to love.    
  
_ does the sea remember the walker upon it?  _ __   
  
he doesn't get rid of the memories they shared. instead, changkyun carries them on his back, draped like a brand new suit jacket. hard to break in, but definitely fitting. when people ask if he misses him, he says no. because kihyun’s still there. he’s always there.   
  
_ meaning leaks from the molecules.  _ __   
_ the chimneys of the city breathe,  _ __   
_ the window sweats,  _ __   
_ the children leap in their cots.  _ __   
  
life moves on. people forget about yoo kihyun. he only gets brought up in one liners when looking at a poorly drawn memorial service within the school. but changkyun never forgets him. and life had slowed for him, as he kisses purple, swelling lips.    
  
_ the sun blooms, it is a geranium.  _ __   
  
" _ i love you. _ " changkyun whispers.    
  
_ the heart has not stopped.  _ __   
  
and lifeless eyes flutter open at that. 

**Author's Note:**

> i like doing stuff with sylvia plath's poems... i also just self project my weird shit onto changki and im so sorry. anyways i hope this was ok! please let me know if i need to tag more accordingly,, :3 thank you for reading!!


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